Mother’s Definition For Crows
Every September
she’d pull the car to the side
for crows crossing the sky.
A bad omen.
Once one landed
on the hood of her car
and a tree followed.
It was not death she feared
but wings, startled and dense
searching the September fields
for corn. When I told her
in Jung’s book of symbols
birds represent self
the darker the color
the more repress
the need.
She laughed then sighed.
It is all hunger
she said
hunger and flight.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
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7 comments:
Forgive me. I know I am being a total bitch for doing this, but I couldn't help myself. Your poem is good, but needs some shifting and rearranging. One example is as follows:
--------------------
The Definition
It was not death she feared
but wings, startled and dense
searching the September fields
for corn. Every September
she’d pull the car to the side
for crows crossing the sky.
Once, one landed
on the hood of her car
and a tree followed.
A bad omen? When I told her
how in Jung’s book of symbols
birds represent the self,
the darker the color
the more repressed the need,
she laughed then sighed.
It is all hunger,
she said.
hunger and flight.
I like CDY's rearrangement and the stanza breaks.
Nice job T.
Tried to comment on your post yesterday, but couldn't. That letter was too funny! LOL
c.d., oh well that is beautiful I knew I had a poem in there somewhere. Thank you.
jenni, how are you? Blogger has been a pain in the ass. I swear I get a funny letter everyday, though I am sure funny is not what the poet is going for.
Teresa,
Forgive me. Got up this morning and realized I had tinkered with your poem and then felt bad. Please know it was done with the utmost respect for you and your work. Anyone who knows me knows I rarely comment on much less rearrange people's poems. It is just that I saw the poem inside your poem. I couldn't help myself.
C. Dale
Believe me when I say I was not offended at all but grateful. I respect you a great deal and know that you would not have touched it unless you saw something in it so I consider it a compliment. I wish I was going to be at AWP to buy you a drink in exchange. The rearrangement of stanzas helped me tightened it a great deal more, again thank you.
oddly this is the exact same color as my bedroom
tbh, I preferred the original. Sorry.
Came here via Gill's blog, enjoying it so far.
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