I can feel my need to work on the manuscript again. I can feel it the way one watches wind across an open field, the knowledge that lightening is coming. I don’t ever want to stop writing. I don’t ever want to forget myself again, stop putting words on paper but I am sure it will happen. The world spins like that.

All the grants are done. They are out of my hands. I begin the next round. Did you ever meet someone and know that everyone who'd ever loved prepared you for this one moment? My writing feels like that right now. All these little parts of Teresa are adding up, why I took grant writing, why I was a painter, why I was the only girl on top of a hill.

Even the loves are starting to have their own language. Addition is a beautiful thing, it never subtracts, only adds to itself. Each step counts. Today I can feel it moving across the field. I will get there. I will get to you.