I am buying a new swimsuit. I’m a Speedo lap girl and it should be noted here, I don’t mean that at all sexually. I have spent days looking for a swimsuit, my old one has holes in the belly from where I slid down the water slide illegally.
The reason it has taken so long to buy this one item, b/c now they are putting things in my perfect swimsuit, like aquatic molded bras, soft cups and seamless entries. What the hell. I have spent three days on line at every swim store on the internet (besides we all know, there are no seamless entries;)
First of all, I like my unmolded breasts, thank you very much! And please tell me why they don’t build little plastic penis holders into male bathing suits??? Because there would be A REVOLT, that’s why. All the speedo men would stand up (I mean that literally) and say, how the fluck are we suppose to swim in this? Ever try doing laps in a molded cup? Think floatation, think physics.
Besides I’ve been a woman for 38 years and I have NO idea what aquatic molding is or even a shelf bra. Now, if they would just simply say, this suit will cover your ass and occasionally show your nipples—I’d be all over it.
Till then people I’m swimmin’ naked! You've been warned.