Saturday, October 01, 2005

I have been writing wonderful blog entries in my head, lucky or unlucky for you my head does not seem to be attached to my typing fingers.

The first book is dead. The first book with which I spent three years on and countless hours with Carolyn Forche’ has died. I figure it’s a lot like my first marriage. It taught me a great deal, it’s the foundation on what most else is built and it’s a little cracked. I have taken the best parts, my months on syntax and I have moved on.

I am on continuous journey with language. I love this language like I love nothing. If I believe humans have a soul, my soul would be word. I tried to make it be color. I tried to make it be love but it has always come back to language.

I am toying with the idea of applying for a fellowship at the MacDowell Colony, of leaving the girls for a month and just writing. If you don’t have kids, you have no idea how like jumping out of a building this feels. At Olivia’s conference when asked what she thought my goals were for her, she said “my mom just wants me to be happy and not grow up and be a serial killer” which sums it up really.

In the beginning I made organic baby food for this kid and taught her how to swim laps before the age of three. I stayed with a man I did not love for ten years thinking her psyche would be forever damage if I did not. I’ve grown up a lot and so has she. But all I really want for the girls, is to know themselves and like themselves--even the serial killer is optional;)

8 comments:

Radish King said...

Welcome back, Sweetpea. I did the same with my first two manuscripts.

early hours of sky said...

Yes, well hopefully it has the same results and I've missed you.

Suzanne said...

Me too. Me too. I did the same thing--twice! ;-) BTW Em, looks SO cute in her little hat! xo

early hours of sky said...

Okay I want another photo. Are you sleeping at all, how is J doing?

Suzanne said...

I'm sleeping more than I did with Jack, or T for that matter. :-)

J is doing suprisingly well for a 2 1/2 year old. I guess he never really felt like an only child despite the 12 year space between his older brother. I expect it will get tougher once Em is more demanding. I feel guilty about being inside so much, but hope to remedy that this week with a couple of programs at the library. Can you tell I've been stuck inside? I'm going on and on and on. xo

loveandsalt said...

"the serial killer part is optional." Now that is a REAL mother. If Sam killed anyone I would help him escape. Even if it was foretold he would kill again.
My first manuscript went out for so long that as I reworked it one poem at a time, take out one, put in a new one, when "it" was finally published it had not a single one of the poems I started with.
Be well and enjoy Maine!

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